Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Peter Pan (And The Promised Update)

I don't really feel like talking about myself right now, but here...

I finished the rough draft for my research report on Padre Pio of Pietrelcina. FINALLY. I'm so glad... I've sent it into Seton for feedback before I re-write. Now hopefully I'll have time for some of my own writing.

My little sister wants to go to some summer camp with her best friend. Catholic, very conservative, very strict about modesty, which is cool. On one hand, I think: "OH MY! A week without her chatter... so much peace... sounds tempting... but no! I would miss her too much!" and the other hand thinks: "Argh! Why does she get all the adventures?" Oh, well. I hope she does get to go. :)

Catholic, Reluctantly is on the way from Amazon. I hope. They sent us an email yesterday saying that it would ship on the 24th, and later that day they sent another email saying it shipped yesterday, on the 15th. I'm hoping it'll come tomorrow - at the very earliest, mind you. (Funny. When I'm waiting for something in the mail I keep saying, "Oh, I know it might not come," to whoever reminds me that it mightn't, but then I'm all disappointed when the Thing I'm waiting for doesn't arrive... Hmm... )

The Fairy Tale Novels Forum is having a group reading of the books. :D Come and join us, if you can! We're hoping to finish around the time The Midnight Dancers is released. (This summer! It's getting closer! :D )

Lately I haven't had any peace. I feel restless a lot of the time, and don't feel relaxed unless I'm being passively entertained - watching a movie, or fooling around on the computer. I began to think, "Wow, how pathetic." I also began to lose interest in reading, because it made me think too much. Hmm. Something was definitely wrong.

Then one morning, in that moment between sleeping and waking, when you're starting to lose your hold on the dream you just had, I realized what my problem was:

I didn't want to grow up.

Seriously. All this time, I thought I was embracing growing up and becoming a woman and who God wanted me to be, and I wasn't going to be like my little sister who would probably rather go to Neverland and run wild with Peter and the Lost Boys than get married and get a job. It must have been something in the dream, but by that time I couldn't remember it. I really thought about it:

I've just got a job, working in a toystore.
I've just started high-school. (Well, not just started, but you know what I mean)
I have to memorize a lesson from the catechism every week for a confirmation class - and we have finals...this Sunday! Eek!
I'm learning to take responsibility for my actions, and really learn about my faith, and myself.

Sometimes I fool myself with the "I'm still just a kid, I can take my time for a few years more!" But not anymore, apparently. Who knows, perhaps Responsibility and I will never get to be Arm-In-Arm chums, but after realizing my problem, I don't feel so afraid of him anymore.

Okay. That's all for today, folks! I need to find out what Raskolnikov is up to now... and what happens to poor Sonia! And whether Razumihin has a happy ending. I probably won't find out tonight (about 150 pages of Crime & Punishment left) but at least if I can get a little bit further I can make a few guesses.

*wonders mournfully whatever happened to the notes she was taking on the book*


Mamselle Duroc said...

I have always been so jealous of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys! Right around the time I started to grow up, I became deeply attached to the book. Growing up is downright difficult!

But the older I grow, the more I come to appreciate the joys that come with growing older. The responsibilities seem to keep growing, but so do the opportunities.

I think the important thing is to go the Chesterton route and always retain a childlike spirit. We have to be mature and responsible now that we're grown, but we should always be have the awe and wonder of a child. We should never feel too old to steal away with Peter to Neverland on a free evening!


Elenatintil said...

I've had to deal with the "Peter Pan" syndrome quite a bit over the last year and a half. It's been tough, partually because I went to college a year early, and partually because I've now come home for awhile, and have to learn a lot of those "grown-up" lessons while most of my peers are just beginning college. Don't get me wrong though. I'd rather be nannying and directing the children's musical and working on my physical health than cramming for a literature test...

Orious said...

Ah, so we have the same problem, eh, Fauni? Awfully disturbing I dare say.


Hurrah on getting your report projects underway!

Ah, do hope your sister does get to go to the camp of her wish. Don't forget to tell her to take a camera with her.